Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Returning to my Roots

So, obviously...I haven't written in awhile.

It's not that I haven't been living life, reading books, giving personal reviews of new products I've tried, books I've read, services I've utilized. I have definitely not been at a loss for words. I have just chosen to not express them in the written for fear of judgement.

You see, I'm going to share a little secret about me...I totally CARE about what others think. At 28 years of age, I shouldn't. I should be happy being me and not try to please everybody, but it's so deep within me that I can't stop it. I have "found myself" a bit over the past year and have let go of some fears of rejection, but there are still a lot there.

Another little secret...when I write something down, I am forced to really SEE it. To reread and examine it. I can't pretend it's not there. Financially, things aren't great. And...I want to deny it until I'm blue in the face so I just pretend it doesn't exsist and I keep on with life as best as I can. Today however, I decided that I NEED accountability. From myself. From random strangers, it doesn't matter, I just NEED it. I need to know that there is a problem and that I CAN and WILL make a change.

If you saw me on the street, you would never know that I have creditors calling me everyday. You would never know that I eat popcorn for dinner because it's all I can afford. And no, I am NOT asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I work a full time job, as does my fiance. I got myself in this mess AND I will get myself out...*Ring ring* Just interuppted (although you wouldn't know it) by a phone call from Sallie Mae saying I am behind on my student loan payment.

Anyways - because of the troubles I am currently clawing my way out of - I have taken to LOVING free stuff. Free food, free products, surveys for money, etc. :) I would love to share some of that information and also have a place where I can get super excited about my mailbox goodies. My fiance is mostly annoyed - so I need an outlet. :)

Also, I have NOT given up on the Time 100 Novel list by the age of 30, but I am a bit derailed. The last book I fnished was "God's Brothel" - a book about polygamy. I embrace learning about other religions, cultures, personalities, etc.

So...when I get home today, I will post a snapshot of my mailbox. I look forward to tracking not only my bills and spending but the fun and exciting new products I am allowed to try.